Nicole

A year ago, I was so uncertain. There was happiness in the day to day, good spiritual life, good friends, good job, good classes. But I knew that graduation was soon, debts were large, jobs were scarce, and things were going to change. And they did. I moved, got a job, got settled in to a whole new planet.

But I’m still uncertain. If I’m going to stay here. If I’m going to stay single. Back to school?

And there are always those things that you know for sure you would want, but they’re out of reach…

Is this what being a grown-up is? Moving from one uncertainty to the next with little respites in between?

Ich habe dich nie je so geliebt

Ich habe dich nie je so geliebt, ma soeur
Als wie ich fortging von dir in jenem Abendrot.
Der Wald schluckte mich, der blaue Wald, ma soeur
Über dem immer schon die bleichen Gestirne im Westen standen.

Ich lachte kein klein wenig, gar nicht, ma soeur
Der ich spielend dunklem Schicksal entgegenging –
Während schon die Gesichter hinter mir
Langsam im Abend des blauen Walds verblaßten.

Alles war schön an diesem einzigen Abend, ma soeur
Nachher nie wieder und nie zuvor –
Freilich: mir blieben nur mehr die großen Vögel
Die abends im dunklen Himmel Hunger haben.
——————————————————————
I never loved you more, ma soeur
Than as I walked away from you that evening.
The forest swallowed me, the blue forest, ma soeur
The blue forest and above it pale stars in the west.

I did not laugh, not one little bit, ma soeur
As I playfully walked towards a dark fate–
While the faces behind me
Slowly paled in the evening of the blue forest.

Everything was grand that one night, ma soeur
Never thereafter and never before–
I admit it: I was left with nothing but the big birds
And their hungry cries in the dark evening sky.