Nicole

Gotsta love ee cummings

Continue Reading »

I guess I should mention that another thing that influenced the last ramble was tomorrow’s WT. Showing kindness in a hostile world… it’s a big thing. The hostility is just everywhere, it’s like air pollution. You might not notice it but you experience the effects.

P. 4 makes the statement: “A person could easily conclude that
showing kindness is hardly a priority and may even be a sign of weakness.” But really mildness is the greatest strength. You have the ability to retaliate, everyone does, whether in words, in violence, in some other subtler revenge, but you choose to hold yourself to a higher standard.

For instance, I never really respected the size and strength of horses until I encountered psycho horses who wanted to hurt people for various reasons. Suddenly I knew what all the others had been holding back all the time! A horse could crush you, a horse could get you off its back a number of different ways (all of them painful to you), a horse could refuse to obey you, but most of them don’t. Why? Because they’re herd animals, they’re mild and meek, they let you be the leader.

Okay, I go to bed now.

So I’m linking to her: 72 things–it’s her May 26th entry. Mad props to you, Carmen, btw. I don’t know if you still read this or not. Prolly not. Is anyone reading this? It’s funny, I started a blog (on my old, pop-up-free fabu site hosted by Ben S) when I was planning to move away to college, so that the people I knew in person could keep up with me, but it seems like the majority of people I stay in touch with, especially those who check my sites and my blog, are ones I’ve never met in person. The Midland-Mt. Pleasant crew just kinda let go. It’s easier that way, I guess. This is my home now. I don’t know if I’ll go back to Midland after I graduate. Only if I’m broke, I guess. I think while I’m looking for job/permanent russkie congo I will find some little old house to rent near Wendy. I know the area really well from having aux’d there, it’s cheaper and it’s even farther away from my parents! Whoo!

It’s a weird realization, that really I can go anywhere then. I always used to plan my life out so much, and there were only a handful of places I could conceive of living. Patterson, Boston, New York, Niagara, Seattle (in my Eddie Vedder days), even Adelaide. But now, wherever. Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes.

i need more sleep

It’s a rule, right? You gotta root for the team that eliminated the team that eliminated your team when they folded up like so many cheap suits in the playoffs. And besides, I was totally impressed the way the Lightning whomped those dirty Habs. They just outclassed them at every turn. I love to see a game won by smart playing, not brute force or ref calls or pure chance.

Gotta go now.

another virus warning

Irrational eBay purchase #8: Ed memorabilia.

I’m not as scared as I was. Whatever happens, it’s out of my control. We’ll deal.

I still remember all the things I cared about before. Someday I’ll make it back there.

Another depressing evening crunching numbers. I know it will mean more to me someday to say that I did it all by myself, but the day to day… doesn’t quite seem worth it sometimes. Ladies, it ain’t easy bein’ independent…
(The house I live in
I’ve bought it
The car I’m driving
I’ve bought it
I depend on me)

You are so much better off than you know.

I hate hospitals. HATE them. Always have. Cannot stand the smell. (And I hate harsh artificial lighting in any building.) The only places worse than hospitals are nursing homes.

Being around hospitals for any length of time, sooner or later you see things you don’t want to. People sick, wounded, patched, perforated, duct-taped, etc. I know medical science and its practitioners are very sophisticated (all those pre-med people kicked my zhopka in Chem 130, ‘member?), but really, it must look so primitive to God the way we safety-pin ourselves back together.

Anyway, I just feel like I have way better life, health, strength, and circumstances than I deserve, and maybe it’s something everyone else should think about too. “Yeah, Nicole doesn’t deserve her life!” No, I mean you. You all have it too good. Just kidding. You have it good, let’s just say.

And this is here, all these people who are suffering are here, in the city I call Happy World Land. The city that pretends it has no crime and has the best amenities of anywhere in America, the city of enlightened anti-war organic yoga recycling pot-smoking culture vultures. There is all this unjust suffering less than a mile from where tattooed hungover undergrads strut around wearing Hollister and Abercrombie, and leftover yuppies drive their European imports home to $500K condos, and boho vigilantes harass you to support every cause which is affecting every OTHER place, such as, gulp, De-TROIT. :0

But it’s here, and it’s horrible. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or for whom the electronic chimes beep, they beep for thee.

<--Russian for "I love cheese."

I want to play Nintendo very badly right now. Original Nintendo, or SNES. RC Pro-Am, Stanley Cup Hockey, or Diddy Kong Country. Or ooh, Super Off-Road--the Baja.

Surgery's at 7:30 am tomorrow. People keep asking me for details, and I don't have them. Low girl on the totem pole here.

So what is worse, not saying "I love you" when you don't mean it (but it would make the person feel better), or not saying "I love you" when you do mean it? Just wondering.